well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
