She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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