I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
