she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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