He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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