So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
