And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
