hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
