i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
