I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
