Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
