I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
