I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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