all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
