i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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