ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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