Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
