My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
