No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
third nipple confirmed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
