what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
