I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
