I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
