I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
