I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
