he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
