All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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