it hurts more in the daytime
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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