Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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