He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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