She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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