Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
