Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
