i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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