He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
its liver damage thursday
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize