Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
