The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
