I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
