Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
