This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
