8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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