You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
birth control should be required to get into college
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
