so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
