i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
