So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she pinky promised me she was 18
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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