OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
