meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
