Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
