Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
