just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
