phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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